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The other day on the internet, I saw an old commercial of a semi truck that had these words painted on the side: JONNY KAT, KITTY LITTER. For some reason that had a profound ffect on me. Imagine a semi full of kitty litter! 40,000 pounds of scented, colored, and packaged cat box contents! That has to say something about our affluent society, about the shape of our civilization. Some of our past inventions are quite practical and ingenious. The self-sealing, puncture proof tire, mercury lights,...
Another white horse just rode by. I guess I saw him comin’ I felt him breathin’ down my neck, I heard his hoofbeats drummin’. I’ve seen ’em’ pass this way before. They mark the separation Of mossy horns from yearlin’ bucks. Each one’s a generation. I saw one pass at seventeen, at thirty-five and fifty They rode by loud and brave and bold or snuck by sly and shifty. They had no time to stop and talk or ponder gettin’ older They pushed their elders for a while then pushed ’em off the shoulder. T...
This is one of those stories that sound so unbelievable that you’ll know I didn’t make it up! Mike studied the bloodlines. He checked performance records. He knew his herd like the top two layers of his tool box! He was a good young cattleman. When he decided on the course of action to improve his herd’s genetics he called the breed association rep. They discussed his needs. Plans were made for the fieldman to attend a bull sale in Texas with the express instructions to buy exactly the right...
It could only happen to a cowboy. Thurman had established himself as a figure of some note in the Corriente Association. The Association had developed over the years into a successful representative of livestock people dedicated to breeding and supplying roping steers. The Corriente breeders in the northwest were gearing up for their big regional meeting in Prineville, Oregon. Being a national officer, Thurman was asked to attend and was given dignitary status. In preparation for the auction fun...
When our opinions get as immovable as a granite outhouse, God has a way of shaking the foundation. I was searching for an artist who could lend just the right feeling to a book I was putting together. I found such a person. He lived in a remote mountain town and had no phone. With the help of the local postmistress and several letters, he agreed to illustrate my book. Besides his unique artistic style, he was a good cowboy. Over the months of correspondence and our occasional visits on his...
It arched across the cloudless sky like someone throwin’ chum But they weren’t fishin’, no my friends, the object was a thumb It launched from Kenneth’s dally when his heelin’ rope came tight And whizzed by Eddie’s horse’s head and disappeared from sight. Eddie did a double take... hors d’oeuvres flashed through his mind, A little sausage on a stick that looked like Frankenstein. “Are you okay?” he asked when Kenneth finally took a breath His ropin’ glove was crimson red, his face was white as...
Years ago the movie “BABE” was nominated for several Academy Awards including Best Picture. It was very popular and made a lot of money. It stars a pig named Babe. A gilt to be more specific... a feeder pig maybe weighin’ 80-100 lbs. But it was a cute pig. It talked, of course, was kind and brave. And to top it off, it did heroic deeds and yet maintained a sensitivity that would make the Pope blush. All this anthropomorphism, giving a pig human qualities, is necessary if movie makers expec...
“Hey buddy, maybe you’ll rope better after your horse foals. Ha ha!” “Thanks, pal. I had a horse like yours once. But his brain was so small his head caved in and he bit his own ears off! Look it’s starting in yours... see that indention.” The quick retort. That clever comeback, the snappy rejoinder that puts the annoying smart mouth in his place. The French call it Esprit d’Escalier - the wit of the stairway. In my case it would be better called Esprit d’ Much Later. I don’t think of what I w...
We must sell it, I told Mother, for we really have no other choice. The price is much too dear to harbor any doubt. And though I know we’ll miss it, the time has come to kiss it goodbye and find another place a little further out. When the Indians sold Manhattan to a Dutch aristocrat in fancy breeches for a blanket and a twenty dollar bill It presaged a corrosion, an urban sprawl erosion that covets all the fertile ground and overruns us still. It’s not givin’ up, I told her, just that we are g...
Behind those eyes there shines a light That’s guided me from my first step Down life’s highway through thick and thin So I could tell the wrong from right. Behind those eyes there beats a heart That taught me love is what you feel And to be taken as it is And not something you take apart. Behind those eyes there lives a soul That speaks to me from deep within And warns me I must not despair Those things in life I can’t control. Behind those eyes there is a love That never lets me out of sight...
In the midst of Covid-19, one of the deepest psychosies’ is loneliness. “Social distance,” sliding take-out tacos under the door, being served pizza across the counter like a Frisbee, having to carry a measuring tape and whip it out like Marshal Dillon to confirm 6 feet every time some masked stranger comes your way...all to prevent civil discourse and staying friends. IT IS DEPRESSING. Those of you historians familiar with the pioneers who came west know they often found themselves in the l...
“Here we are friends, on the Serengeti Plains in the wilds of Serengeti.” As the crowd leans in closer to the television we see the swaying Boab trees... an endless sea of grass waving off into the horizon. We hear the quiet buzz of Tsetse flies humming strains of ‘Baby Elephant Walk’. Just as we are becoming mesmerized into the peaceful surroundings on the screen, a lone gazelle suddenly bursts on the scene! It leaps and dives, with graceful arcs, nimble footwork, and darting back and forth l...
“So, how’d yer dad git that big dent on the door?” I asked Dave. Truth is, it was quite an accomplishment for one single dent to stand out from all the other wear and tear, deterioration and assorted damage that covered his 1983 Ford Ranger diesel pickup truck like elephant tracks on a styrofoam cooler. “It’s a long story,” sighed Dave. Dave went with his mom and dad to gather the last of the cows off their forest permit above Feather Falls in the Sierra Madres of southern California....
A scream from the kitchen. The thud of a faint. She sighs and arises and walks with restraint. Her neighbor lays peaceful, eyes fixed in a stare She’s passed out in front of the new Frigidaire. She looks at the rack with eggs in its keep Winking up at her’s the eye of a sheep. There’s a bottle of PenStrep near the Swanson’s Pot Pies And down in the crisper’s a bagful of flies. The butter tray’s filled with test tubes of blood Marked, ‘E.I.A. samples, from Tucker’s old stud.’ High on the shelf...
Betty Lynne is a cowboy. If you don’t believe it ask her husband to show you the snapshot of her bruise. Last summer they had a cow killed by lightening on their ranch. They figgered they’d better bring in the orphaned calf. The afternoon of the rescue, Betty Lynne saddled ol’ Frosty, a reliable ex-Appaloosa race horse. That allowed Sean, her husband, to ride T-Bird, one of the colts they were training. They trailered to the pasture. Sean stayed outside the bunch, practicin’ quarter circles...
The cow went down in the pasture. I took it as a sign. Like lightning striking my saddle horn or guppies in the wine. I’ll have to pull the calf right here. But it isn’t raining hard. It’s just too bad that my slicker is still back in the yard. I taught my horse to ground tie. Like havin’ an extra man. Now why did he run off like that? I really had a plan, Thank goodness I’ve got a catch rope. Whoa, darlin’, just lay still... You four-footed Double Whopper! Your next stop is the grill! Stay...
“Boys will be boys,” reflected Jack, as he told me a story from his youth. Seems when Jack was a teenager back in Ripley, Oklahoma, he and his teenage friend were serious about becoming bull riders. They had helped fix up the local rodeo arena and that gave them chute privileges. One week they replaced a chute gate. They had made the replacement themselves out of oilfield pipe, painted it and hung it up. As they were admiring their handiwork Jack remarked it was too bad they couldn’t buck a rea...
A collection of testimonials for Duct Tape in agriculture… From B.A., Large Animal Vet: I’ve been a Duct Tape believer ever since I had a cow tear her bag on a bob wire fence. It was a ghastly gash. She was in pain and frightened. There was no way I could close the wound until…I began wrapping her with Duct Tape! I started just behind the elbow and started circling her girth, then her ribs and her flanks with Duct Tape. I eventually was able to wrap the bag, leaving the 4 teats and tail pokin...
Just count me out,” said Wilford as he lay there in the dirt, A shoein’ rasp behind his ear, a hoof print on his shirt. “I’ll handle this,” said Freddie, “You jus’ git outta the way. This sorry bag of buzzard bait has met his match today.” The horse weren’t much to look at, just the kind a trader’d buy But you knew that he’d be trouble when you looked him in the eye. It was small and mean and glittered, as deep as Jacob’s well, Like lookin’ down the smoke stack of the furnace room in Hell. Fredd...
That they would find each other would have been as unlikely to predict as the fall of communism or the good sheep market. She was old and a lifelong Southern Baptist. They were young and on a mission for the Mormon Church. A requirement of good ‘Mormonism’ for young men is to serve as a missionary for the church for two years. They are expected to go door to door wherever they are sent and spread the gospel of the Latter-day Saints (LDS), also called Mormons. Now if you think that’s easy, put y...
Carol’s story is just another glamorous tale of a city girl who married a romantic Nebraska Sandhills rancher years ago and became a ‘vocational COW assistant’ for life. “So what exactly do you want me to do?” she asked. “Take the pickup (she didn’t learn to drive till she was twenty-nine) then go out there to the Big Pasture (the dreaded Big Pasture where one grass covered hill looks like the next one to her). Start way back there at the gate in the Middle Pasture where we have the heifers n...
The rancher told his foreman, “Looks like things are gettin’ tough The price of calves is deadly, heck, there may not be enough To pay the note this winter, I’m already overdue What with buyin’ that new tractor, shoot, it wuddn’t even new ’Course I’d bought the neighbor’s cow herd back when things were lookin’ good Then we had that bout with Anaplaz, which I never understood. We buckled down and rode it out but luck weren’t on our side. You’ve worked for me for twenty years, you know how h...
No doubt most of you in the livestock business have a certain “family affection” for the fast food chains. Particularly those restaurants whose main attraction is the often disguised but still All American hamburger. It also is true that each of us has his own particular favorite. Organizations like the National Restaurant Association have attempted surveys to compare the merits of each burger. Readers, you will be pleased to know that the Coyote Cowboy Co. (me) has conducted its own sur...
When beef gets short, a lot of cowboys are forced to do without. The cook must come up with meatless meals. The following recipes are from the Cowboy Vegetarian Cookbook. TENNIS SHOE TONGUE: Select an old one. The price is better and it may have picked up some natural flavor depending on where it has been worn. Boiling is suggested but it may also be fried to a crisp and served on a bed of marinated sweat shirt. Garnish with pickled shoe string. SEED CORN CAP PIZZA: Carefully clean with a fish...
McGraw posed an interesting question. If a cowboy herds a herd of cattle, we call him a herder. If a sheepman herds a flock of sheep, he’s still a herder. Why isn’t he called a flocker? Oley has always referred to himself as a cow disturber. I think that is an accurate description of what cowboys do. The definition of disturb is: to annoy or disrupt. “Where ya goin’, Bill?” “I’m gonna go check the cows.” Which really means, “I’m gonna ride into the bunch, git’em all up, turn’em around and ju...